Trance

The satan asked the man in his empyreal voice with a delusive calm expression, “You desire trance? What do you want? Wine, Morphine, Opium…”

“No”, the man shouted, “I want to be submerged in the sea of trance. Give me the strongest you have”.

“Behold. Then I give you pain, and not physical. You won’t be able to express it to anyone. You will be calm outside. But inside you will die. That’s the strongest I have.”

The world seems dark. Where-ever I look, I see an eerie darkness. My head is swinging, and yet I feel I am imbibing more detail than ever. I hear my breath. As I focus on it, I feel its slowing down. I check my heart. Its thumping slowly, as an unsought reassurance.

I wonder why I am feeling such tranquility in the dark. I decide to go on the terrace. Groping, I move fore. The stairs-railing seems like a log floating in the river of darkness. Holding it, I ascend. One, two…I find myself counting my steps, and I cannot stop it.

The moon-light is here, shining like a waned, fragile soul. I look above…at the sky. There is a lone star. None other is visible. I wonder how it might feel being alone, in this vast canvas. Ironical, for I too, am alone this night. I walk fore.

Near the edge of my roof, I see white flowers. A beautiful stem has wrapped itself around the steel railing. Unlike the lone star, they are with each other. I wonder why I never noticed the flowers before. I move my face closer to them…closer…closer…until I am into the vast tangle of flowers and leaves. I close my eyes, take a deep breath. The hypnotic fragrance deluges my senses. I feel light…very very light. I open my eyes.

The house in the front mystically seems closer than it used to be. I feel I can easily jump from here. I move my eyes around. There are two flower-pots kept on the other side. They look majestic. I wonder why I never paid any attention to them. I am standing at one place. My eyes traverse the floor. I see big spots. The poor terrace—weathered by myriad days of sunshine, rain, hail-stones and what not—and yet it is still there—stable. The spots seem like balloons to me. No, more like bubbles. It is beautiful. I never noticed them before.

There is a folding-bed in the corner. The stripes make square patterns that seem like an eternal maze. I remember sitting on it, with my book in my hand, on many evenings, with my little kitten Brownie running around. She used to jump and sit on my lap. That was an year back. I don’t have her any more.

I lie down on the bed and close my eyes. Seems like ages have passed. When I was a small kid, I used to spend contless hours playing here, on this very place. I remember everything I have lost. No…I don’t remember a lot…its just a haunting feeling.

I try to shut my mind…try to stop thinking. But I cannot stop this eerie feeling. I don’t know what is it. Is it nostalgia? Nostalgia of what? I have been here forever. I am with everyone I love, have everything I had, and more. No it can’t be nostalgia.

Vague images come to my mind. Horses running in desert, butterflies flapping wings, me running with my friends. Is it real? I open my eyes. Nothing is there. Just me—and that lone star.