Nihil

The blank or hollowness which surfeits in our lives, makes us impetuous and wonder at the very existential aspect of living, is a lingering feeling which recurs with every success or failure attained. We may possess everything and yet there seems to be a void eternally immanent in us which makes us feel incomplete. Glimpses of past and present, fear of future- all montage together, as if life is nothing but mere libretto and we are nothing but mere marionettes.

Have u ever felt this void or hollowness in your life?

Success: o what an aggrandizing feeling it is! You accomplish what u had longed for, dreamed of, prayed for and finally when u achieve it, you feel on the top of the world. You are rapturous, ecstatic, heart seems to be floating in air and bestowed aplomb leaves no place for poignant mentations. Generally.

But sometimes success also makes one muse..wonder..marvel. What have I achieved really? Mind is where it is- all the glory and grandeur. Geezers congenitally wreak to become “big”. Big where? In their own damn minds, and in the mind of equally fatuous buckos. Can’t one feel big even when he is nothing? Do one need approbation of some imbecile to be “big”? Preconceived notions are cornerstone on which we institute our whole lives. Morals, ethics, values…what all these mean in the longer run...who said that confiding by these principles is how you should live. and yet when we look around us, there are blokes telling you that this is wrong, that is conscienceless. Why? Why is not living by this fixed frame of mind vicious to the point of being obnoxious?

Reason... the herd of people...the society. 99% of our actions are not governed by us but by others. Hardly are we born when we are spanked by the obstetrician to breathe. Hardly are we 3 year old, when we are sent to alma mater. Still fine hitherto since we are green. but even when we senesce enough, we find ourselves in shackles. We wish to escape, live differently and who doesn't want to be different. But how many are there who actually sneer at the notions and break free. Life is not given to be framed. It is meant be lived. How many of us live life...in accord with our own wishes? How many of us have even forgotten our childhood dreams, fantasies and fun? How many of us have made our aims which were thrust on us by others...by parents, by family pressure? And how many of us not want to live like this...and yet can see no gleam? Coz all the doors have been shut. How many of us feel smothered, simmering coz of unavailability of any alternative. How many of you have thought of suiciding at one point or other in your life...becoz of feeling as though being trapped like a fly in the spider-web? And we know how many of us actually succumb to this. Why? Is by not adhering to expectations which are not even our own we have not done justice to our existence?